Pick up your pens and let battle commence.

Are you sick of reading reviews? Have you had enough of having old men waffle on about what you should and shouldn't see? Have you begun to question whether anyone has any sense of what is good and what is bad anymore? Tired of getting two second reviews in free newspapers from some braindead turd whos just waiting to be appointed the job of reporting about real news like Lily Allen taking a breath? Then you've come to the right place. Now read on.....

We have decided to open our big arms out to welcome in new writers with a passion for theatre and a strong conviction of right and wrong to come and throw their two-cents in. Now, of course, theatre criticism is a tough job (as is true of any art form) but the need to protect them selves and keep in with the right people has left the big wigs reviewers in a state of paralysis meaning that you can ofter get to the end of a Billington review without a clue if he likes the bloody thing or not. Which is where we come in. Offering a soap box for those without needing to keep friendly with the Trevor Nunns of the world we can offer honest, frank reviews. And if people do worry about their reputation we can even make them anonymous. Can't say fairer than that now can we?

So come join in and forward us some of your thoughts/feelings/general information about your bowel movements and make a difference. Because what is the point of moaning about something if you're not willing to stand up and do something about it? Who knows, there may be a little piece of Kenneth Tynan in you.

Email at scienceisalie@googlemail.com

OR contact us through our Myspace www.myspace.com/scienceisalie

What is there to lose?

FREE Theatre*.......................*for under 26s

Fling open the doors, ready the popcorn, straighten the buttons on the ice cream seller.......the theatre has been freed. 'Freed from what?' I hear you cry. Freed from banging on rich folks doors and having to please the middle classes hoping that they'll tell their other rich friends to go see a show a pump a bit of money back into thea rt form. It is quite literally doing the credit crunch up the bum and saying, "No Mr CC, I will not up my prices due to pressure and your depression, in fact lets get rid of charges altogether!" Hurrah!!!! Theatre Libre eat your heart out.

Ah, its a beautiful dream but unfortunately the new scheme by the Arts Council, 'A Night Less Ordinary' is not quite so revoultionary and ballsy. It is, however, an amazing opportunity to enjoy some theatre for less than peanuts, provided you are under 26 that is. Attempting to shove two fingers up at those who write theatre off as being an expensive night for the toffs and their friends hundreds of theatres nationwide and opening their doors to the youth to show them that the theatre not all Andrew LLoyd Webber, ball gowns and interval drinks. If one's taste and enjoyment of theatre grows with an increased experience of it, then what better way to get people involved and show them the true worth?

Now, here we are normally a place to vent frustrations and be-moan the latest shenanigans destroying performances but this is really a little gem that we are backing all the way. However, one problem has become highlighted. While those that know of this intiative and scream about how exciting it is, unfortunately they are few and far between. Telling people of this great news over the weekend no one had a clue what we were talking about. Which brings an idea to mind. Maybe its not the prices and admission fees keeping people away, but rather the fact that there is no way of finding out what is happening in theatres outside the dazzingling lights of the West End. Rather than leaving all theatre press and circulation to the Stage, and all its archaic luuvie writers, maybe the Council should think more about producing a magzine/forum where there can be honest discussion about a wide range of theatre being produced as opposed to the superficial humdrum on offer in theatreland. Which gives us an idea........

Make the most of the opportunity and claim your free tickets before the offer runs out
http://www.anightlessordinary.org.uk/

Planet Hollywood is over

American diners and supposed celeb hangouts are not known to be discussed on these pages but theres breaking news that we felt the need to report on.

Planet Hollywood, that restaurant that was spawned from the pooled creative business minds of Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarznegger and Sly Stallone, is no more. Or rather the Picadilly Circus branch of the monster eaterie has been closed. Never has there been seen sadder victim of that ol' dirty bastard "The Credit Crunch".

What have we lost? Big groups of girls on hen nights texting good luck messages to an LCD screen. The chance to appear on the TV screens (and therefore be a star for the night) as the camera randomly spins round to find its next victim. The chance to hear a hospital radio style DJ spinning the wheels of steel AND MC birthday messages. Its a shorter list to say what haven't we lost.

Lets all take a moment to wish it a fond farewell. Planet Hollywood, we salute you.

'Ear we go again....

So, yet again Richard Dreyfuss takes the stage and yet again theatre papers and message boards are filled with stories on his onstage antics and inability to remember the difference between his arse and his elbow.

This time, however, the Jaws star's shenanigans have been written up for all to see with scathing reviews drawing attention to the fact that an earpiece has had to be fitted so someone can feed Dreyfuss his lines. Are you being serious? Why (and how) is this man getting work on the stage? Is this really how low we have to sink to try and trick people into attending the theatre? So, lets accept that a famous name can draw in a trade and boost the box office takings but do we really need one that is so inebriated he can't string two words together without being told them first. Poor Poirot must be hanging his head in shame.

So listen up Kevin Sapcey, saviour of British theatre (ahem). Yes, its great you've got loads of American movie star friends who are willing to come over and entertain the meek and mild British fans, but we have many British actors who can do the part without a big ol' chunk of technology hanging out their lughole.

Oh, and please don't invite best buddy Jeff Goldblum back. He's smug, rubber face is really rather vomit inducing.